2009年6月6日 星期六

Bonus translation 9 -- prose (pick any of the two paragraphs to translate)


我仍清晰地记得故事發生的時候。秋葉翻飛,飘落一地。我们曾經孩子般戲水暢游过的小湖蓋滿落葉,在太陽下閃着光。那時我们幸福過。哦,我是這樣認為的。可是事實上你早就想離開我,只是不敢告诉我罷了。在那美麗的夜晚,眼望湖水,恍惚中聽見你说:我们的故事已到盡頭。

  雨水扼殺着所剩無幾的夏日,而你很久以來也在扼殺我奄奄一息的愛。我仍不認為自己會再去經歷另一段爱情故事。你把一切都带走了。我只有悄然佇立,早已明白自己將會是那個被遺棄的人。而我依然凝望着湖水,恍惚中,生命正離我而去。

21 則留言:

Mary Chang 提到...

Group6/S4A/1094303009/Mary Chang/仉政仁

我仍清晰地记得故事發生的時候。秋葉翻飛,飘落一地。我们曾經孩子般戲水暢游过的小湖蓋滿落葉,在太陽下閃着光。那時我们幸福過。哦,我是這樣認為的。可是事實上你早就想離開我,只是不敢告诉我罷了。在那美麗的夜晚,眼望湖水,恍惚中聽見你说:我们的故事已到盡頭。
Now I still remember clearly when the story happened. The autumn leaves were falling down to the ground. We used to swim like children in the small lake which recovered with falling leaves and was shining under the sun. At that time we had been blessed. Oh, I thought we were. But, in fact you wanted to leave me for a long time, but did not dare to tell me that. On that beautiful night, I looked up to the lake, in a trance to hear you say,” It is the end of our story.”

雨水扼殺着所剩無幾的夏日,而你很久以來也在扼殺我奄奄一息的愛。我仍不認為自己會再去經歷另一段爱情故事。你把一切都带走了。我只有悄然佇立,早已明白自己將會是那個被遺棄的人。而我依然凝望着湖水,恍惚中,生命正離我而去。
The rain was stifling of the last days of summer, and you also stifled of my love for a long time. I do not think I will go through another love story. You take everything away. I only can stand quietly. I’ve already aware of that forsaken person was me. But I am still looking at the lake, in a trance, my life is gone.

Jo Shen 提到...

F4A Jo Shen 沈奕君 1094301004


我仍清晰地记得故事發生的時候。秋葉翻飛,飘落一地。我们曾經孩子般戲水暢游过的小湖蓋滿落葉,在太陽下閃着光。那時我们幸福過。哦,我是這樣認為的。可是事實上你早就想離開我,只是不敢告诉我罷了。在那美麗的夜晚,眼望湖水,恍惚中聽見你说:我们的故事已到盡頭。
I can remember clearly when the story took place. Flying autumn leaves fell. The small lake covered with deciduous , which we’ve played and swum around like children, is shining under the sun. We’ve been happiness. Oh, I think so. But you’ve already wanted to leave me. You just dared not tell me. At the beautiful night, I looked to the lake and listened you in a trance: we have ended our love.

  雨水扼殺着所剩無幾的夏日,而你很久以來也在扼殺我奄奄一息的愛。我仍不認為自己會再去經歷另一段爱情故事。你把一切都带走了。我只有悄然佇立,早已明白自己將會是那個被遺棄的人。而我依然凝望着湖水,恍惚中,生命正離我而去。
The rain spoiled summer time which left not much. And you have long spoiled my moribund love. I still don’t believe i can experience another relationship. You’ve taken away everything. I just stand quietly. I’ve understood that I would be forsaken. And I still contemplate the lake in a trance. The life is leaving me alone.

Yu En 提到...

F4A. 1094301044. Yu En

我仍清晰地记得故事發生的時候。秋葉翻飛,飘落一地。我们曾經孩子般戲水暢游过的小湖蓋滿落葉,在太陽下閃着光。那時我们幸福過。哦,我是這樣認為的。可是事實上你早就想離開我,只是不敢告诉我罷了。在那美麗的夜晚,眼望湖水,恍惚中聽見你说:我们的故事已到盡頭。

I still remember clearly now when our story happened. The autumn leaves were floating and falling down to the ground. The lake, covering with the fallen leaves, where we used to swim like children, was shining under the sun. We used to be happy at that time. At least, I thought we were. But the truth was that you had expected to leave me for a long time, and you just didn’t dare to tell. On that lovely night, when I was staring at the lake, in a trance to hear you said:”It is the end of our story.”


雨水扼殺着所剩無幾的夏日,而你很久以來也在扼殺我奄奄一息的愛。我仍不認為自己會再去經歷另一段爱情故事。你把一切都带走了。我只有悄然佇立,早已明白自己將會是那個被遺棄的人。而我依然凝望着湖水,恍惚中,生命正離我而去。

The rain was smothering the last summer days, and you had also been smothering my feeble breathing love since a long time ago. I still don’t think that I’am going to experience another love story. You took all away from me. I could just stand quietly, and knew that I was abandoned. But I’m still staring at the lake, in a trance, and I know the life is leaving me.

wonderwan 提到...

To Mary:

1. You are really an internet geek, but you just copied too much from the source of this text.

2. "recovering" is not quite correct here.

Use "covering" instead.

3. I don't think "blessed" is a good word used here.

4. "But, in fact you wanted to leave me for a long time, but did not dare to tell me that."

用过去完成式
In fact you had wanted to leave me for a long time, but you did not dare to tell me.

5. "looking up 向上看;查找" is a terrible use here.

wonderwan 提到...

To Mary: (2)

1. "The rain was stifling of the last days of summer, and you also stifled of my love for a long time."

THE RAIN STIFLES THE LAST DAYS OF SUMMER, WHILE YOU HAVE STIFLED MY LOVE FOR A LONG TIME.

2. "I only can stand quietly. I’ve already aware of that forsaken person was me."

STANDING QUIETLY, I'VE ALREADY BEEN AWARE THAT THE FORSAKEN PERSON IS ME.

3. "But I am still looking at the lake, in a trance, my life is gone."

BUT I AM STILL STARRING AT THE LAKE, IN A TRANCE, MY LIFE WITHERING AWAY.
用獨立分詞構句
原句缺乏連接詞

Carol S4A 1094303004 提到...

I still remember clearly when the story happened. The autumn leaves were floating down to the ground. The small lake covered with the leaves where we used to swim like children, was shining under the sun. At that time we had been happy. Oh, I thought we were. But you wanted to leave me for a long time. You just did not dare to tell me the truth. At the beautiful night, I looked up to the lake and hear you in a trance:” It is the end of our story.”

The rain was spoiling of the last summer days, and you also stifled my love. I still don’t believe that I can experience another love story. You took away everything. But I’m still staring at the lake, in a trance. My life leaves.

Lianne 提到...

G4A 1094302015 Lianne Li

我仍清晰地记得故事發生的時候。秋葉翻飛,飘落一地。我们曾經孩子般戲水暢游过的小湖蓋滿落葉,在太陽下閃着光。那時我们幸福過。哦,我是這樣認為的。可是事實上你早就想離開我,只是不敢告诉我罷了。在那美麗的夜晚,眼望湖水,恍惚中聽見你说:我们的故事已到盡頭。

I still remember clearly when the story happened. Leaves fell down on the ground. We have swam like kids in the lake covered with leaves; the sun shone. At that time we have been happy. Oh, I thought we were. However, you wanted leave me; you were just afraid to tell me the truth. At the beautiful night, as I looked at the lake I heard in a trance: “Our story ends.”

雨水扼殺着所剩無幾的夏日,而你很久以來也在扼殺我奄奄一息的愛。我仍不認為自己會再去經歷另一段爱情故事。你把一切都带走了。我只有悄然佇立,早已明白自己將會是那個被遺棄的人。而我依然凝望着湖水,恍惚中,生命正離我而去。

Rain smothers the last days of summer; you smother my love. I still don’t think that I would have another love story. You have taken everything. I only stand quietly; I will be abandoned. When I still look at the lake, in a trance, the life leaves.

Unknown 提到...

我仍清晰地记得故事發生的時候。秋葉翻飛,飘落一地。我们曾經孩子般戲水暢游过的小湖蓋滿落葉,在太陽下閃着光。那時我们幸福過。哦,我是這樣認為的。可是事實上你早就想離開我,只是不敢告诉我罷了。在那美麗的夜晚,眼望湖水,恍惚中聽見你说:我们的故事已到盡頭。
I still remember clearly when the story happened.Flying away autumn leaves fell down the ground.We had swum like children in the small lake which was covered by defoliations and shining below the sun.We had been happiness at that time.Oh, I think so.However, in fact you had wanted to leave me for a long time.You just dared not tell me.At the beautiful night, I was looking at the lake and listened you saied in a trance, "It's the end of our story."
雨水扼殺着所剩無幾的夏日,而你很久以來也在扼殺我奄奄一息的愛。我仍不認為自己會再去經歷另一段爱情故事。你把一切都带走了。我只有悄然佇立,早已明白自己將會是那個被遺棄的人。而我依然凝望着湖水,恍惚中,生命正離我而去。
The rain spoiled summer time which left not much.And you spoiled my moribund love for a long time.I still do not think I will experience another love story.I can only stand quietly.You took everything away.I had understood I would be theone who was forsaken.I am still looking at the lake.In a trance, my life is leaving.

May 提到...

F4A 1094301013 May

我仍清晰地记得故事發生的時候。秋葉翻飛,飘落一地。我们曾經孩子般戲水暢游过的小湖蓋滿落葉,在太陽下閃着光。那時我们幸福過。哦,我是這樣認為的。可是事實上你早就想離開我,只是不敢告诉我罷了。在那美麗的夜晚,眼望湖水,恍惚中聽見你说:我们的故事已到盡頭。
I still remember clearly when the story happened. The autumn leaves fell down to the ground. The small lake which we had paddled covered with fallen leaves and was shining under the sun. We had been happiness at that time. Oh, I think so. In fact you had wanted to leave me for a long time, but you did not dare to tell me. In that beautiful night, I looked to the lake and heard you say in a trance, “It is the end of our story”.

雨水扼殺着所剩無幾的夏日,而你很久以來也在扼殺我奄奄一息的愛。我仍不認為自己會再去經歷另一段爱情故事。你把一切都带走了。我只有悄然佇立,早已明白自己將會是那個被遺棄的人。而我依然凝望着湖水,恍惚中,生命正離我而去。
The rain smothered the last days of summer while you also smothered my dying love for a long time. I still think I will not go through another love story. You have taken anything away. I just can stand quietly. I have been aware of that I would be forsaken person. But I am still starring at the lake, in a trance, my life is leaving away.

wonderwan 提到...

To Joe:

1. "Flying autumn leaves fell."

AUTUMN LEAVES ALIGHTED ON THE GROUND.

2. "The small lake covered with deciduous , which we’ve played and swum around like children, is shining under the sun."

THE SMALL LAKE, COVERED WITH FALLEN LEAVES, WHICH WE'VE JOYFULLY SWUM IN LIKE CHILDREN IS...

3. "We’ve been happiness. Oh, I think so."

WE WERE SO HAPPY -- OH, AT LEAST, I THINK SO.

4. "At the beautiful night, I looked to the lake and listened you in a trance: we have ended our love."

IN THAT BEAUTIFUL NIGHT, I JUST LOOKED TO THE LAKE AND HEARD, IN A TRANCE, YOU SAY IT'S THE END OF OUR STORY.

LISTEN TO 仔細聆聽
HEAR 聽到

5."The rain spoiled summer time which left not much. And you have long spoiled my moribund love."

THE RAIN CHOKES THE REMAINING DAYS OF SUMMER AND YOU HAVE LONG CHOKED MY MORIBUND LOVE.

6. "I still don’t believe i can experience another relationship. You’ve taken away everything."

I DON'T BELIEVE I CAN STILL SUSTAIN (TAKE) ANOTHER LOVE LIKE THIS. I JUST STAND QUIETLY KNOWING THAT I WOULD BE FORSAKEN.

MY LIFE IS GOING AWAY. (WITHERING AWAY)

Eva Tseng 提到...

F4B 1094301103 Eva Tseng


我仍清晰地记得故事發生的時候。秋葉翻飛,飘落一地。我们曾經孩子般戲水暢游过的小湖蓋滿落葉,在太陽下閃着光。那時我们幸福過。哦,我是這樣認為的。可是事實上你早就想離開我,只是不敢告诉我罷了。在那美麗的夜晚,眼望湖水,恍惚中聽見你说:我们的故事已到盡頭。
I still remember clearly when the story happened. The autumn leaves were flying and floating down the ground. Once under the sun shining, we played with the water and swam just like kids in the lake which covered fallen leaves. At that time, we were happiness. Oh, I thiught we were. But actually, you already wanted to leave me, however, you were just afraid to tell me. At that beautiful night,I was looking to the lake and listening to you in a trance" Our story ends."

雨水扼殺着所剩無幾的夏日,而你很久以來也在扼殺我奄奄一息的愛。我仍不認為自己會再去經歷另一段爱情故事。你把一切都带走了。我只有悄然佇立,早已明白自己將會是那個被遺棄的人。而我依然凝望着湖水,恍惚中,生命正離我而去。
Rain was smothering the last of summer days, and you had also smothered my faded love for a long time. I still don't beleived I can have another love story. You just take them away. I only stand still softly, and already knew I was that person who was abandoned. But I still look to the lake and in a trance, life are leaving me away.

Eva Tseng 提到...

F4B 1094301103 Eva Tseng


我仍清晰地记得故事發生的時候。秋葉翻飛,飘落一地。我们曾經孩子般戲水暢游过的小湖蓋滿落葉,在太陽下閃着光。那時我们幸福過。哦,我是這樣認為的。可是事實上你早就想離開我,只是不敢告诉我罷了。在那美麗的夜晚,眼望湖水,恍惚中聽見你说:我们的故事已到盡頭。
I still remember clearly when the story happened. The autumn leaves were flying and floating down the ground. Once under the sun shining, we played with the water and swam just like kids in the lake which covered fallen leaves. At that time, we were happiness. Oh, I thiught we were. But actually, you already wanted to leave me, however, you were just afraid to tell me. At that beautiful night,I was looking to the lake and listening to you in a trance" Our story ends."

雨水扼殺着所剩無幾的夏日,而你很久以來也在扼殺我奄奄一息的愛。我仍不認為自己會再去經歷另一段爱情故事。你把一切都带走了。我只有悄然佇立,早已明白自己將會是那個被遺棄的人。而我依然凝望着湖水,恍惚中,生命正離我而去。
Rain was smothering the last of summer days, and you had also smothered my faded love for a long time. I still don't beleived I can have another love story. You just take them away. I only stand still softly, and already knew I was that person who was abandoned. But I still look to the lake and in a trance, life is leaving me away.

wonderwan 提到...

To Carol:

1. I still remember clearly when the story happened."

...THE STORY BEGAN.

2. ...were floating down to the ground.

...FELL DOWN TO THE GROUND. OR
...ALIGHTED ON THE GROUND.

3. At that time we had been happy.

AT THAT TIME WE WERE HAPPY -- OH, AT LEAST I THOUGHT SO.

4.But you wanted to leave me for a long time. You just did not dare to tell me the truth.

BUT, YOU HAD ACTUALLY WANTED TO LEAVE ME, HOWEVER YOU DARED NOT TELL ME.

5. At the beautiful night, I looked up to the lake and hear you in a trance:” It is the end of our story.”

IN THAT BEAUTIFUL NIGHT, I STARED AT THE LAKE AND HEARD, IN A TRANCE, YOU SAY:"...."

AT NIGHT 泛指所有的夜晚
IN THE NIGHT 特定的某夜

wonderwan 提到...

To Lianne,

1. Rain smothers the last days of summer; you smother my love.

RAIN SMOTHERS THE LAST DAYS OF SUMMER, AND YOU SMOTHER MY LOVE.
最好用個連接詞表達'而'

2. I still don’t think that I would have another love story. You have taken everything.

I DON'T THINK I CAN (WILL) STILL HAVE ANOTHER LOVE STORY FOR (BECAUSE) YOU HAVE TAKEN EVERYTHNG AWAY FROM ME.

3. I only stand quietly; I will be abandoned.

I CAN ONLY STAND THERE QUIETLY REALIZING THAT I WILL BE ABABDONED.

4. When I still look at the lake, in a trance, the life leaves.

LOOKING AT THE LAKE, I, IN A TRANCE, FEEL THE LIFE IS LEAVING ME.

善用時態
運用分詞構句精簡語句,省略WHEN等連接詞

wonderwan 提到...

To Christy:

1. Flying away autumn leaves fell down the ground.

FALLING AUTUMN LEAVES FELL DOWN TO THE GROUND.

2. We had been happiness at that time.Oh, I think so.

WE USED TO BE HAPPY AT THAT TIME -- OH, AT LEAST I THINK SO.

3. However, in fact you had wanted to leave me for a long time.You just dared not tell me.

...FOR A LONG TIME, NOT DARING TO TELL ME.
用分詞構句顯示兩句間的關聯

4. At the beautiful night, I was looking at the lake and listened you saied in a trance, "It's the end of our story."

IN (ON) THAT BEAUTIFUL NIGHT, I WAS LOOKING AT THE LAKE, AND, IN A TRANCE, HEARD YOU SAY,"IT'S THE END OF OUR STORY."

蒙其‧D‧為鈞 提到...
作者已經移除這則留言。
蒙其‧D‧為鈞 提到...

I could still remember the story happened in that time. Autumn leaves were flying in the air and falling everywhere. We used to be like children and swam across the small lake covered by leaves under the sunshine. We were joyful. Oh, I thought we were. But the fact is that you wanted to leave me. You just didn’t have the courage to tell me. In that lovely night, staring at the lake, “our story is over,” you said suddenly.

the life in Germany 提到...

1094302078 Kay Hsu
我仍清晰地记得故事發生的時候。秋葉翻飛,飘落一地。我们曾經孩子般戲水暢游过的小湖蓋滿落葉,在太陽下閃着光。那時我们幸福過。哦,我是這樣認為的。可是事實上你早就想離開我,只是不敢告诉我罷了。在那美麗的夜晚,眼望湖水,恍惚中聽見你说:我们的故事已到盡頭。
I still remember quite clearly now when the story happened. The autumn leaves were falling in measure down to the ground. They recovered the lake, where we used to swim like children. Under the sun there was shiny.
At that time we used to be happy. Well, I thought we were.
But the truth was you want to leave me from a long time ago, and you were not daring to tell me. On that beautiful night, we watched the lake, vaguely moment, I hear you said: Our love story is ending.
雨水扼殺着所剩無幾的夏日,而你很久以來也在扼殺我奄奄一息的愛。我仍不認為自己會再去經歷另一段爱情故事。你把一切都带走了。我只有悄然佇立,早已明白自己將會是那個被遺棄的人。而我依然凝望着湖水,恍惚中,生命正離我而去。
The rain was killing the last days of summer, and you had been killing my last breath of love since a long time ago. I still don't think I'm going to have another love story. You took everything away from me. I stand quietly; I knew I was going to be the one who was left behind. But still I'm watching the lake, vaguely moment, and I know my life is leaving away.

wonderwan 提到...

To Yu:

1. The autumn leaves were floating and falling down to the ground.

THE AUTUMN LEAVES WERE ALIGHTING ONTO THE GROUND.

2. The lake, covering with the fallen leaves, where we used to swim like children, was shining under the sun.

THE LAKE, COVERED WITH...

3. But the truth was that you had expected to leave me for a long time, and you just didn’t dare to tell.

...YOU HAD LONG BEEN HOPING TO LEAVE ME...

wonderwan 提到...

To Yu (2):

1. and you had also been smothering my feeble breathing love since a long time ago.

...AND YOU HAD ALSO LONG BEEN SMOTHERING MY FEEBLE BREATH OF LOVE.

2. I still don’t think that I’am going to experience another love story.

...THAT I CAN EXPERIENCE...

3. "I could just stand quietly, and knew that I was abandoned."

STANDING QUIETLY HERE, I KNOW I WILL BE ABANDONED.

4. But I’m still staring at the lake, in a trance, and I know the life is leaving me.

..., AND I, IN A TRANCE, KNOW MY LIFE IS LEVAVING ME.

wonderwan 提到...

To Kay:

DO NOT COPY THE EXISTING TRANSLATION FROM INTERNET!